Not_Just_Yet

Written for those who have experienced impossible love:

Not Just Yet...
Until the early hours of the morning,
I sit here at my window,
Watching the silent streets,thinking of you, of us.....
It has been such a hard lesson to learn,
That the once in a lifetime love is not a myth,
That such a love given, is not always returned,
That reality does not matter to the heart, it wants what it wants.
And as I look up at the moonless sky,
The stars beginning to fade with the first light of the day,
I tell myself that it is perhaps time to put thoughts of you behind,
But my heart refuses –
Not just yet.

My hurt vanity stirs up anger when it finds me still,
Listening just for your phone call,
Looking, among the many emails received in a day,just for yours,
My feet, guiding the unwilling me, to those places where
I just might accidentally bump into you.
I tell myself that it is perhaps time to avoid those places,
But my heart refuses –
Not just yet.

And these dreams that are grounded in unreality;
You and me, working together, laughing, Going for long drives, talking about everything, Sometimes, just enjoying the comfortable silences,
You, smiling, as I patiently try to explain the Troilet,
You, vainly suppressing your laughter, while I glare back,
As you watch me using the cordless power drill,
Me, the confirmed vegetarian, urging you to let go Of the catch while we go fishing together,
You, hastily gulping down water
After the first mouthful of the spicy Indian lunch I prepared for you,
You and me, watching sci-fi together,Or bantering and playing scrabble after dinner,
Or traveling to India – to the deserts of Rajasthan
And the coconut lagoons of Kerala.......
I tell myself that it is perhaps time to put these dreams aside,
But my heart dreams on –
You come up behind me and hug me, your arms around my waist

And I glance back at you with shy smile.....Well.... dreams never hurt anybody,

I’ll put them aside.... some day...., but......
Not Just Yet..... Not Just Yet........